Thursday, January 5, 2012

Me and Lil Wayne

Lil Wayne speaks to me. I don’t know what it is about his music, and it’s mainly one song, but he speaks to me. It’s that song “How to Love,” and I feel that we can all relate. I relate anyway. And I think the part that I like the most is the bridge, where he talks about the person being “beautiful” and “far from the usual.” I don’t know I just like this song.  

And I think this song speaks to me because I’m not so sure “how to love.” As we’ve seen from previous posts, I obviously have a difficult time loving myself, and that aspect of my personality can’t be good for my relationships, romantic or otherwise. So how does someone “love?” Is loving just one of those things that people know how to do? I mean I know that I love my family and friends, but if you can love those people why is it so much more difficult to love yourself? I mean yes, you know all of your faults, but should loving yourself be hard? I don’t think it should be. It should be easier.

Now I’m pretty sure that Lil Wayne is talking about a girl who can’t find the right guy…most all of us have been there, getting crook’d and having non-forever moments, trusting in someone that isn’t so trustworthy as they first appear. But it’s hard to figure out how to love, especially when relying on the outside world to show you how or give you permission, and friends, I do that. I rely too much on outside opinions. I rely too much on the opinions of others instead of relying on my own. And that’s not ok.

That’s why Lil Wayne, and especially that song, speaks to me. I shouldn’t have to have other people teach me “how to love.” I shouldn’t have to have other people love me in order to love myself. I shouldn’t have to have other people to think I’m pretty, smart, articulate, awesome, or any other number of things in order to believe those things about myself. I shouldn’t base myself, who I am, or what I think about myself around the opinions of others. I should already know that I’m pretty, smart, beautiful, amazing or what have you before anyone says anything. It should be exactly what it is a compliment, NOT the whole package. I should realize that it’s the icing and not the whole cake, and heck I don’t even like icing on my cake anyway. So this is something to work on while I have my floor meditation sessions. Maybe I should start a mantra during my sessions…maybe I could just listen to “How to Love” by Lil Wayne and learn, on my own, how to love me. Because what does it help if someone else loves you if you don't love yourself?  
Here's the song, and if y'all have any inspirational mantra suggestions let me know :)

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