Wednesday, December 28, 2011


Ok so a major part of this year is about finding my "self." But as I've said that is not always a fun thing to do. I mean look at my last post...who really and truly wants to admit that they're control freaky perfectionist person? Not me. Yet...I did. In the name of self-awareness and well, general self acceptance (still working on that by the way).

But who am I? Other than wanting to find out why I do the things I do, I mainly want to find out who I am. I want to separate the truth from the lies because I am not so honest with myself as I should be. Sometimes it's much easier to pretend to be someone else than it is to pretend to like me enough to be me. Everyone has those personas in order to protect themselves...which don't actually fool anyone. I can't say that I'm not the same, because I am. I am the same.

I most often play that person who knows a little bit about everything. I LIKE to be right. I LIKE to have the upper hand. Because well, let's face it the person with the upper hand is less likely to get hurt, right? Or less likely to look stupid, right? Or less likely to be seen as weak, right? Survival of the fittest sort of thinking, for sure. Which is a little sane because self preservation is "normal" haha. But goodness why in the heck do I have to self preserve all the darn time? Shouldn't I be able to LET GO?

So maybe the question here isn't "who am I," but rather why can't I show my real self to the world? Except for as a last resort. Maybe it's a not knowing all the facts or not fully accepting myself, but I think that showing my "self" (the real one) to the world would be a good idea for the future and the present. I mean honestly...what's so wrong with the real me that she shouldn't be free?

Here's a song by Cymphonique and the cast of How to Rock called "Only You Can Be You."  The song starts about fifty-four seconds in:

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