Saturday, December 17, 2011

The Winds, Or Rather The Bulldozer, Of Change

So...have you ever spent most of your life (well your adultish life or I guess any part of your life if you prefer) thinking that you're a certain type of person or a certain way, and then you find out that you're straight up WRONG? Yeah, that's me. And that's my life these days. Talk about revelations, revelations that not even I knew. Crazy right?

Interestingly enough that's what this year of my life is devoted to, revelations, confessions, and just all around truths. And that's what this blog is going to be about as well, the truths about me and my journey to find those truths, because by george they're elusive little buggers sometimes and just need to be rooted out like a roguish gnome kind of thing haha.
Anywho, given the fact that this is supposed to be a "pilot" post (you know like the first episodes of tv shows...I think they're called pilot episodes anyway), I would imagine that you would like some background information. This is the year of ME, a year that I've taken to get to know me, to become friends with myself and my mistakes, imperfections, and just all around the things that I hate about myself...don't judge we all do it. I've also decided not to date this year; I just don't need the distraction because it's hard to date someone and not merge your identity with theirs a bit, and I just don't want to find out about them. I want to find out about ME. And believe me dear reader, that is a SCARY thing to do. Looking closely at yourself is not easy, and maybe I'm alone here, but sometimes what you find isn't pretty AT ALL. So this is the year of CHANGE, hence the title of my post (catchy huh?).

Change hasn't always been my friend...well to be honest it's never been my friend. I hate change. It's unpredictable and scary and sometimes wonderful or awful, but it's kind of a russian roulette about how that will end up, hence the "unpredictable" part. Change is something that I scurry away from, dread, and avoid at all costs if I can. Yet change is an inevitable part of life, which I found out this past summer, and I've contined to find out pretty much every day since. I want to embrace change...and I don't mean changes like just switching from paper to plastic at the grocery store or wearing a different pair of shoes. I mean inner change, a change where I go from avoiding my faults, sweeping my imperfections under the rug, and lying to myself to embracing whole self not just the kind of ok parts that really aren't me anyway.

You're probably also wondering why my blog is titled "Going On From There." I got this title from a very inspiring quote that I heard from a really wonderful person, and worry not I will post it at the end of this post :) But the quote talks about burning down to the ground, sitting in the ashes of who we once thought we were, and then going on from there. That's what this year is about. It's about "going on from there," going on from the ashes of my former self, going on from the things that I once thought made me who I am, going on from the heartbreaks of my past, and going on to my future, a future without silly old ashes to blacken it...or "ash" it up so to speak.

So yes, change is like a bulldozer...or a very very stiff wind because it's bulldozing over who I thought that I was, a type B person who is chill and loves change and can let go, and showing me who I really am, a type A person who is apparently a control "freak" and who doesn't like to let go because that's when things get crazy and unpredictable. And that's ok because being a control "freak" isn't really freaky at all, it's more like being very much informed...because informed people don't get caught off guard. However, no matter how control freaky you are that darn fire can fall right on you when you don't even expect it, and you can either make the choice to stay in the ashes of your life or "go on," and that, my dear reader, is my plan, to GO THE HECK ON :)

Promised Quote :)
"Deep in the wintry parts of our minds, we are hardy stock and know there is no such thing as a work-free transformation. We know that we will have to burn to the ground in one way or another, and then sit right in the ashes of who we once thought we were and go on from there."
-Clarissa Pinkola Est├ęs


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